Bert Day
by Delta Shout
Summary: It started with an invitation, and then the Dinobots got an idea into their CPUs'.
1. The Invitation

**I do not own Transformers. Do you really suspect I did? Because you're sadly mistaken - I don't!**

**The Invitation**

It all started with an invitation...

And prgressed from there...

* * *

"What's this, Carly?" 

She smiled as the minibot read the piece of paper over and over, trying to make some sense of it, "A birthday invitation. Do you want to come?"

Bumblebee scratched the back of his head, "I don't know. What's a birthday?"

She looked at him in surprise. "You mean you don't know what a birthday is?"

"No, I don't"

"Well, it's a celebration. Of the day you were born. I suppose you could call it a creation day."

"A date celebrating your creation? Alright! I'm there!"

They should have been more careful to whom they talk infront of, really...

* * *

Carly had just finishes handing out another invitation, and explaining what it meant, to Ironhide when she felt a push in the back and tumbled onto the ground. 

Grimlock looked down at the fallen figure, a thought briefly crossing his CPU as to why a gentle nudge would make her fall to the floor. Carly turned around, determined to give whoever it was a piece of her mind, but withdrew when she realised who it was.

"Me, Grimlock, come to your 'Crate Date' Carly?" Grimlock asked.

Her brow furrowed in concentration, "A what?"

"A Crate Date. What you say, a Bert Day."

"Oh. You mean a Birthday."

"Dat's what me say. Bert Day," Grimlock labouriously pointed out, "Crate Date. Me, Grimlock, can come?"

Carly grinned, "Okay, you can come. But there's not much room in my backyard. You might not be able to join in."

The Dino smile widened. "Dat okay. Me, Grimlock, just watch."

* * *

And all during the party, Grimlock watched. 

And listened.

And learned.

And crushed the pinyata when everybody else had had a turn.

And when Grimlock returned, wide-opticed, he shared his experiences with the other Dinobots.

* * *

Wheeljack was mildly surprised the next day when his lab door opened(1) and revealed Sludge. Carefully putting down the welder and making sure it was nowhere near the invention he had been working on, he questioned the Dinobot. 

"So, what would you like, Sludge?"

"Mud."

"Mud?"

"Yeah, Sludge like mud."

"I mean, why did you come in here?"

Sludge thought hard before answering, "Me, Sludge, want to know when is Crate Date."

Wheeljack was puzzled to say the least. "'Crate Date'?"

He nodded. "Crate date. Like Carly. Carly had Crate Date yesterday."

Realisation dawned. "You mean a creation date? Like what Carly had?" Seeing Sludge nod, he continued, "Well, let me check my databanks... It is two weeks from now, that is, October 27th ." Sludge nodded again and turned to leave.

"Why did you want to know?" Wheeljack called as Sludge waddled to the door.

As the tail slipped around the corner, he thought he heard Sludge respond "You see."

* * *

While updating his reports, Prowl looked up and found Slag in his office. 

"What can I do for you?" He asked, hoping to get one of the most destuctive of the Dinobots out of the delicate office as fast as possible.

"Me, Slag, want paper."

Had Prowl eyebrows, he would have raised one. "And what do you want that for?"

"Why you want know? Me, Slag, want paper. Enough?."

"I need to write down why you wanted it, so Optimus doesn't think someone stole it," He explained.

"Oh. you tell Optimus: me, Slag want paper to," Slag thought, "Draw."

Believing this would be the best he would get out of the Dinobot, Prowl nodded and fetched the paper.

* * *

The next day, the Dinobots were walking around with large wads of colourful papers. 

Everytime they would see someone, Slag and Sludge would corner the unfortunate 'bot while Grimlock leafed through the papers until he found one with a drawing, in the Transformer equivalent of crayon, matching the colours of whoever was cornered. They would then be forced to take the paper and finally allowed to be let go.

The Dinobots eventually reached the command center, where Prime, Prowl and Wheeljack were on duty. Before they could utter a single word, they found themselves presented with drawings with, supposedly, the likeness of themselves.

"So that's what you wanted the paper for?" Prowl asked. "Pictures of us?"

"No," Swoop said.

"Invitations," Slag continued.

Snarl explained, "Carly say we got to have invitations if we make party."

"Party?" Optimus inquired cauciously, you could never be too careful when dealing with a Dinobot with an idea firmly stuck in his head.

"Bert Day party. For Dinobots."

"Oh. No," Wheeljack mumbled.

Which pretty much sums up the events of the next two weeks.

* * *

(1) No-one had ventured unexpectedly into his lab since the incident coded HURRICANE (2) 

(2) It involved a weather machine he was working on, a startled autobot and Wheeljack's tendency to bring about a malfunction any piece of equipment just by looking at it.

* * *

**Please, please, please tell me if I should continue.**

Feedback is welcomed. In fact, feedback is celebrated. With balloons and streamers and those whistley-things that go 'Fweee' (I'm don't think anyone knows what they're called).

**Anyone who reviews - you are awesome.**


	2. Party Planner

**Party Planner**

Carly didn't know what was wrong when she and Spike walked into the Ark. In passing, the minibots glared at her. Mirage took one look at her then became invisible. Then there was the matter of the Lambo twins.

Sunstreaker and Sideswipe were going out on patrol. They took one look at Carly and Sunstreaker nearly popped a gasket.

"This is your fault, you know!" Sideswipe held his brother back as he continued to rant, "I just know somehow they're going to ruin my paintwork! Why couldn't you be more careful about what you say?"

Carly was stunned to say the least. She had no idea about what he was saying.

"Come on Sunny, you're starting to sound like Huffer." Sideswipe turned him around, "We're already late for patrol. Prowl will burn a fuze if we're late again." Still holding Sunstreaker, he lent down next to Carly and whispered, "Excellent work by the way. I couldn't have thought of anything better."

And the twins walked off. But not without Sides giving her a thumbs up behind his back.

Utterly confused she turned to Spike, who shrugged. They were both clueless.

* * *

"Hello Carly, Spike," Optimus greeted them as they entered the command centre, Prowl and Jazz looking around. 

"Do you know what's going on with everyone? It looks like something's wrong."

Prime nodded, "It seems everybot has been invited to a 'Bert Day' party, held by the Dinobots."

"A birthday party?"

"Indeed."

"Well, what has that got to do with Carly?" Spike asked. "No-one is acting friendly towards her today."

Prowl cleared his throat (1), "The Dinobots got the idea from Carly's birthday party," Carly began to turn red, "Apparently, Grimlock attended her party and enjoyed it so much the Dinobots decided they wanted their own. They then asked Wheeljack when their 'Bert Day' was, and decided that was when they would hold it." Prowl referred to a robot-sized clipboard at this stage, "The Dinobots proceeded to gather what they needed, including the paper from my office and constructed invitations for everyone. According to them, 'Carly say we got to have invitations if we make party'."

Carly moaned. Jazz grinned, "But wait, there's more."

"I don't know how much more of this I can take."

Unperturbed, Prowl continued, "They forced everyone to take their invitations, thankfully not at gunpoint," Jazz's grin widened, "but almost as forcefully, until Optimus managed to talk to them about their plans for this party."

* * *

"Are you certain this is what you want?" 

The Dinobots nodded.

Prime sighed. There really wasn't any point in arguing. "And I cannot change your mainframes?"

The Dinobots shook their heads.

"Have you thought about the viability of this plan?"

The Dinobots started to nod, until they realised they had no idea what he was saying.

"Have you thought of the practicality of this party? Do you have a plan as to how you're going to run the party? Where you're going to hold it?"

"Me no know. Us Dinobots only came up with it last night."

Prime attempted a different approach. "What about the Decepticons? What will happen if they attack when you are hosting this party? Everyone will have to leave to fight them, then you would be upset."

The Dinobots thought. Hard.

Optimus began to relax, until Grimlock came up with a reponse. "Okay. Me, Grimlock, talk to Decepticons." Faster than anything, he moved over to Teletran-1.

Unfortunately, he managed to press the right buttons.

* * *

"Megatron. Status report: Receiving transmission." The Communications Officer radioed his commander. 

"What is the problem, Soudwave?"

"Transmission: Odd. Location of source: Autobot base."

"Stall them with static until I arrive. I'm on my way."

* * *

"Ah, Prime," Megatron smiled menacingly on screen, "Called to surrender, have y– you're not Optimus Prime!" 

Grimlock looked up from where he was messing with the controls, "No. Me, Grimlock, not stupid Prime. Me, Grimlock, king!"

In the background behind Megatron there were whispers;  
_"What's that dopey Dinobot doing on screen?"_,  
_"Where's Prime?"_,  
_"What's happening?"_,  
_"What do they want?"_,  
_"What's __**happening?"**_,  
_"Who's got the what now?"_,  
_**"What's **__happening!?"_

The almighty Megatron was trying his best to ignore them. "And what do you want, Grimlock?"

"Me, Grimlock, say you Decepicons don't attack us!"

"What was that?" To say Megatron was confused wasn't saying the half of it.

"You, Decepticons, no attack us, Autobots."

"And why should we grant this treaty? You have no authority over all the Autobots. That's Prime's job."

"Us, Dinobots, having Bert Day. You not ruin Dinobot Bert Day party. Or you be sorry."

"Bert Day?" At this point, Optimus had valliantly fought through the other Dinobots to get the the screen. Relieved at some sort of sanity, Megatron turned to the accursed Autobot leader "Prime, what is this madness?"

"It seems the Dinobots have decided to celebrate an old Earth custom."

"And what has this got to do with us?"

Grimlock wrestled himself back onto view, "You stinking Decepticons promise not to ruin party?"

"And what will you give us in return?"

"We no hurt you," as an afterthought, he added "much."

Megatron laughed at the neivity of the most deadly of the Dinobots, "Yes, Grimlock. I promise, as a liar, a stealer and an oath-breaker, not to ruin your party."

"Okay," Grimlock agreed and thumped Teletraan-1, causing it to turn off.

* * *

"Those Dinobot fools! They really think they will have a successful 'Bert Day party'. Well, we shall show them what our name stands for." Megatron looked over at Soundwave, "Such trust, such faith. Such complete and utter idiocy."

* * *

"... And then the Dinobots accurately conveyed their feelings if Prime cancels their party." 

Carly's face was white with shock, but her cheeks were red from embarassment (2)"I'm sorry Optimus. I didn't know what they were going to do," she rushed to explain.

He held up a hand, "It's alright Carly. I understand you had no intentions to lead the Dinobots into risking the security of my Autobots. And I also know I cannot punish you as I could do to one of the crew..." Carly breathed out "... So I opted for volunteering you to help organise the party. The Dinobots could do with the help."

Carly groaned.

Spike comforted her.

Jazz just beamed, from audial sensor to audial sensor.

* * *

(1) Which was pretty pointless because he doesn't have a throat and wouln't need to clear one even if he had it. But you get the picture. 

(2) Quite a hard feat to pull off and usually ending up just looking like their normal skintone.

* * *

**Phew! Sorry that took along time to write, Exams are really hard to study for when plot bunnies attack.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed. You are awesome and, yes, you are invited to the party. Please review again soon!**


	3. Planning

**Planning**

Carly looked down at the list of things they needed for the party. Her hastily scribbled writing depicted several things that needed to be discussed for the party.

She read the words off the list, writing notes and checking as she went.

_Party List:_

_1. Birthday Invitations_

"Well, we can definitley cross **that** off the list."

* * *

_2. Place of Party_

"How many people do we need to fit?"

The Dinobots counted on their digits, then gave her each a different number.

"Three!"

"Eleventeen!"

"Thirty-seven!"

"Fifty-hundred!"

"Urrr... Many!"

They started to guess, "Lots!"

"Eighteen-twenty!"

"Many-one!"

"Many-two!"

"Orange!"

Carly siged, "Let's try this again..."

* * *

_3. Theme_

"What kind of party do you want to have?"

"Fun kind."

Carly gave up. "That'll have to do."

* * *

_4. Menu_

Carly considered this one to extreme effects, then decided she had no idea what Autobots actually ate.

One informative discussion with Perceptor later, left Carly even more confused than when she had begun.

In the end, she ripped a piece of paper off her notepad and handed it to Spike, who had just entered the room to see how it was going, giving the order "FIND SOMEONE TO GIVE YOU A STRAIGHT ANSWER!"

* * *

_5. Games_

"What games would you guys like to play at your party?"

"Fun games!"

"Peen Yata!"

"Donkey's tail!"

"Pass parcel!"

"Music chairs!"

"How about I rephrase that to 'what games would you like to play **and** would be possible to organise'?"

The Dinobots thought very hard about it. Very hard.

Slag had an idea, "Hit stuff!" and the others agreed that would be a very good game indeed.

* * *

_6. Wish List_

"Carly," Prime began, "It has come to my attention that the invited guests at the 'Bert Day' party are expected to bring along gifts. Are you intending to honour that Human tradition?"

"That's what I wanted to speak to you about, Optimus. You see, the Dinobots have already completed their wish lists."

"Wish lists?"

"What they would like to receive for their Birthday," Carly explained. "Of course, they're all very short, and quite repetitive," she glanced over the sheets in her hands, the word 'Weapons' appearing on all of them, "But I thought that groups of the autobots can pitch in together to give them what they want. Ratchet and Wheeljack have already started on their presents."

Optimus nodded, "That explains what the explosion and fire was was about in Wheeljack's lab earlier... Is it too late to specify non-deadly-or-possibly-life-threatening presents?"

* * *

**Hi everyone! I'm sorry that this hasn't been updated in months, but I kept getting distracted by shiny things.**

**Again, everyone who reviews is so awesome that they get an automatic invitation to the Bert Day celebrations.**


End file.
